I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
