my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
