I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
