At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
