i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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