I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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