so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
