I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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