tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
