i jhust puked up my retainher.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
