We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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