How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
