Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
