can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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