WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
