Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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