so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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