What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
