I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
