how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Randomize
