Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
