May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
