WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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