I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
