I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
