Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
