OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
