Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
