apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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