i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
