So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
