She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Too much gin, very little bucket
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I want to be your penis for a week.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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