O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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