Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
