You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
