so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Randomize
