her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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