I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
