What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
