i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
