Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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