Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
