My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
