There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
