What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
