so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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