; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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