im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
