I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
