I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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