We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
