He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
